Who is this message for?

My writing is not for everyone.. This may make some people uncomfortable or even angry. That’s not the intent. Not everyone is lost. I’m the lost sheep out of the shepherd’s flock, trying to find my way back home. Most of the other sheep are fine, but if there are any other lost sheep out there, maybe they can learn from my experiences. 

What’s Happening?

I’m taking a leave and moving to Ecuador with my wife and two children. My sister’s own journey has opened my eyes to a small spiritual town in a beautiful country with a peaceful pace of life.   

What was wrong?

I’ve spent the past fifteen years of my life living with and battling against various forms of substance abuse – from alcohol to marijuana, with some other things in between. I was stuck in a constant cycle of use, abuse, break, and repeat. I’ve nearly died on a handful of occasions and squandered my most limited resource on this planet: my time. Don’t even get me started on the money. While it’s a topic I’d like to explore more in the future, I’m fully aware that everyone has their own situations, and that what may be an addiction for me may be a lifeline for someone else. For me, though, in the end, as the only person capable of knowing the true intentions driving my behavior, I can only call my relationship with these an addiction.

As a result of some unusual experiences over the past year or two, I realized that I was looking to substances as a form of escapism.  Escaping what? Just being myself in the world. I couldn’t exist in a state where my mind wasn’t occupied with something. I could exert willpower to remain sober for the things that required it, but once those were done, I was either out, or seeking a way to get out. I was not able to be at peace with just being me.

The thought that really shook me was that if I couldn’t bring myself to just be me, how could I raise a son or daughter who could just be, love, and accept themselves? It was the primary driver for recontextualizing my thought patterns and breaking free of the trap.

And with this liberation finally came the time and space to reflect on who I am and how I spend my time. 

What about my job?

After a twelve-year career in Supply Chain at J&J, I realized that much of my life has been on autopilot. I marched forward from one milestone and achievement to the next without much thought, following the well-meaning guidance of others and in search of a pat on the back. I was a distorted person showing up daily to say the “right” things and play the corporate game. My self – my passions and my struggles were predominantly shelved to keep in the game. Major life decisions were made around the idea of a career and were driven ultimately by money, title, and prestige.

Through some unique experiences over the past five years, I’ve come to understand that my family and spiritual life energized and filled my cup, but the time I was spending at work was draining me and keeping me from being the person I knew I could be for the people most important to me.

What will I do?

This phase of my life is meant to give me the time and the space to explore what is meaningful to me and uncover my purpose. I believe that I can find a place on this Earth where I can do something that energizes me and contributes to my community meaningfully. Something that can balance the precious remaining time left with my children. I don’t want to miss out on another minute of their three and five-year-old selves. 

What about school?

My wife and I will be homeschooling our children. They are blessings, and I want to nurture their passions and purpose. I couldn’t be paid to miss out on the opportunity to play such an active and integral role in their approach to life and learning – hence part of my decision to leave my job. 

Any person around children knows two things: 

• Each child is unique and develops at their own pace. Whether one speaks and walks in twelve months or thirty, it happens when it happens. 
• There can be intense, unnecessary, and damaging pressure and worry surrounding your child’s development when benchmarked against those around them, both for the child and the parent.

Will my kids be prepared for a life in the “real world”?

Will anyones? Who knows what the future will look like in twenty years? I want my children to have a  lifelong love of learning and the understanding that anything worthwhile takes practice and effort. I believe this path for them will keep them open to approaching life from the point of view that is uniquely theirs, unconstrained by a standardized way of interpreting the world.

“Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference.”  

-Robert Frost

How do I know this is the best thing for me or my family?

Faith is not something I’ve always had, but I choose to have faith that this world is abundant and will always provide.  I also believe that intentions matter and that acting from a place of love cannot steer me wrong. 

Am I afraid?

At times, terrified. But I want my children to know it’s okay to take risks and it’s okay to fail. If we fail, we will learn and push on.  The last thing I want is for them to have a dream and be too afraid of failure to pursue it.

“Too many of us are not living our dreams because we are living our fears”

-Les Brown

A moment of gratitude

Acknowledging that I am acting from a place of privilege, I am also enormously grateful. I’ve reached a place I could only have dreamed of. I am grateful to everyone who has helped shape and guide me to this moment: 

• My parents 
• My wife 
• My children 
• My family 
• My friends 
• My bosses, coworkers, and mentors 
• My teachers 
• My neighbors 

Why am I writing this?

I love writing. These ideas and thoughts twist and turn in my head until I either find the courage to set aside the time and lay it out or lose the moment forever to fear. It helps me process my life and communicate it to those around me. 

Perhaps someone may share even one of my fears and dreams and that my experiences and risks can help them navigate their own lives in some small way. 

What’s next?

If you have an interest in either any of the topics I’ve touched on above or want to see what’s going to happen on this adventure, please consider the following: 

• Subscribe
• Sharing with others for whom some element of this may resonate with 
• Take a moment to ask yourself if you have self-imposed limitations preventing you from pursuing your dream. 

“Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.”

-Dale Carnegie