The Decision

With all the thoughts in my head, I’ll try not to wax poetic and leave this as more of an update. I had sought a chance to slow down and step off the runaway conveyor belt that was my life, and I took a gamble with my family to head to Ecuador. With so many things changing at once (country, language, community, homeschooling, to name a few), I needed some time off work to evaluate and settle. With my six-month leave of absence officially winding down, I was looking for either more time or more flexibility, but I was left with a single choice: return to work full-time immediately, or quit.

This made the decision easier for me, and I indicated to my employer that my era of insanity (as defined by working far more hours than I should, for more money than I need, at the cost of everything important to my life) was now behind me.

While that’s easy to say, when I actually clicked send on that to my manager, I found myself disoriented to my core. After twelve years of building a career in Supply Chain and countless years building up that identity even before that, I was suddenly confronting a void.  I was consciously letting go of such a huge part of who I was.

The Question

How do I respond now when someone asks me, “So what do you do?” I homeschool my kids? Lots and lots of dishes? There’s so much to unpack with that question. Does it come from a place of judgment, with the answer reduced to wealth and status? Is it out of curiosity to know where you spend so much of your time and headspace? Is it out of self-interest to see how you can be of use to someone (networking)? What are people going to think of me now?

I recognize that I’m not in uncharted territory here: stay-at-home parents (especially moms) have always been a thing. The insecurities they face are real. I also realize that we can all have our own insecurities about the decisions we’ve made or who we are at some point. Stay-at-home mom— Unable to cut it in the real-world, make money and be productive? Corporate titan— too ambitious and driven, sacrificing your personal and family relationships? Too cynical or too naive? Too braggadocio or too timid? Careless or compulsive? Whatever your location on any spectrum at any given time, you’re too much or not enough to someone.

Surely it’s clear that you cannot live your life according to anyone else’s expectations, or you’re guaranteed to fail in someone’s eyes. If you block all that out and pick what matters to you, then whatever you’re doing will be the right thing for you.

Interestingly, in Latin America, the question of “what do you do?” is presented as “A que se dedica?”, or “To what do you dedicate yourself?” To me, the question feels more values-focused than status-driven in how we devote our time and energy.

To what do I dedicate myself to? Right now, myself and my family.

Now What?

If you’re curious about where I go from here, I am not sure. Not even accounting for things like geopolitical tensions and economic crises, the development of artificial intelligence and its impact on education, industry, and innovation is something that makes me question how to prepare my children for a world that will be so radically different that it’s just about unfathomable what it will look like in two decades.

Though there are moments of fear, I recognize it is a gift to be presented with a blank slate. This is an opportunity to build the life I want with intention, rather than let my life happen to me.

Right now, with the nature of things, I will focus on homeschooling, health, family, and community. I will look into learning more about part-time and remote opportunities that are more flexible with hours and location.

As my children grow older and more independent, I suspect that the hands-on time required of me will dramatically decrease, opening up more time and space for more remote opportunities or even those within my local community.

Until then, every step will require faith and an open mind.